This is from a Blu Ray Tuesday, about a month ago that I never got around to uploading.
The movie: Conan the Barbarian
The menu: Subway! Of all things.
I am a number 1 fan of action adventure movies. Especially great, cheesy action adventure movies. This had potential to be such a movie.
Mr Conan was super ridiculously buff and attractive. Although thanks to ‘Game of Thrones’, he will always be Kahl Drogo to me. The storyline of this movie was so silly that the only way I could really enjoy this was if I pretended it was a prequel to ‘Game of Thrones’ and this was the coming of age story for Kahl Drogo. Alas, it was not.
The baddies were flat out crazy with a ridiculous plan to take over the world and chewed the scenery at a delightful rate. The action was good. The scenery lovely. Costumes awesome. The romance suitably lame- they HATE each other at the beginning and then what do you know? Love blossoms. The movie even had blooming Morgan Freeman narrating the beginning (for no apparent reason)! It was a winner on so many levels. Unfortunately it tried to take itself too seriously and there was its downfall.
Plus, I had a big problem with ‘the girl’. She was some nun who in the first scene she was in was attacked by some bad guys and she totally holds her own in the fighting- the girl has some moves. Which are then never seen in the movie ever again. As soon as she gets rescued by Conan, she totally becomes the damsel in distress and it’s dumb. I think we’ve come a bit further than that in our storytelling, Mr Hollywood producers and writers. AND THEN… to make matters worse- and this was the bit that really got me, *spoiler alert* at the end, Conan drops her back off at the convent and is all like “so… I guess I’ll see you around but probably not because I’ll be off doing adventures and stuff” and she’s all like “oh well, I really liked you but no hard feelings, I understand”.
Recommended?: Despite all my misgivings, I would recommend this one. Although it tried too hard, I gotta reward the movie for making a valiant effort. And despite my feminine justice rant in the previous paragraph, I’m honestly a 14 year old boy at heart and sometimes it’s just cool to watch a young boy chop off a man’s nose and then years later find him again and stick his finger in the crevasse where the guy’s nose used to be. Because he was a baddie and totally deserved it.